so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
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no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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