ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
