If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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