1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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