I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
