I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
