Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
