I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
