Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
