Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
