Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
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Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
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Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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