I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
