If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
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I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
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Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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