I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.