I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us