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Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
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