Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.