yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.