Pants 0. Shit 1.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT