I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
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her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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