My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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