I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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