and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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