4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
