Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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