...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
