Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
