No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
