so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
