It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize