not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
