At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
