I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
