I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
