the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
