fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
