she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
