I queefed so loud it echoed.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Panties = found
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