He uses pillows to masturbate.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
