I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
