Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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