You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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