She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my phone needs a breathalizer
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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