Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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