yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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