i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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