is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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