u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
