no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
