so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
