Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
