I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
