Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
