I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
