Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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