I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
