i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
