Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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