I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
