I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
