Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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